Improving My Social Skills

     I really don't know what to do or how to act when I'm in an unfamiliar place. I'm either mute or obnoxious, and I never know what to say. I'm very awkward. Sometimes I try to cover up my awkwardness by being louder so people can't tell. I plan to learn about and get to know everyone and make friends this upcoming school year (2026-2027). So I needed to fix this yesterday, but I don't know why I struggle with talking to people; it's easy for everyone else. 

    When I leave a conversation with someone, I think over and over that I said that was too much of my personality showing. I really don't think anyone cares that much because everyone is probably thinking the same thing about themselves.

    When I find someone interesting, I become a little bit obsessed with them, and I try to learn more about them. That could come off as weird, or it may just be my perception. Sometimes it feels like all I am is thinking about all the odd things I do. It's not really about embarrassment; I love doing "embarrassing things." It doesn't really affect me much when I do so. I'm not really one of those people who find everything embarrassing, but I do jokingly say that's so embarrassing. Would love to have a friend of my own that I can be myself around. Jealous of the people that say that they have childhood best friends. Love being myself but hate being lonely when everyone has someone. I crave a deep friendship so bad.

    To the topic about friendships, I do have friends, and I know things about them. But I just feel like everyone else is closer with each other than I am. I also struggle with being myself, and that's probably why. People are so much closer because they can freely be themselves with each other. I just need to get myself to that point too. But I also think my peers are closer with each other because they are able to hang out and grow friendships outside of school. I'm just not able to. I need to stop spending my money and start saving for a car so I can hang out with my friends and do other things.

    I know a car will fix most of my worries right now. I would be able to drive to school, work, or anywhere I want. But I've been driving to work recently with my dad's car, and I have also been going to the store. I just want to go places and hang out with my friends freely. I realized I am missing out a lot.

    I went to my friend's sweet 16, my parents thought I was at work, but I drove there. I know it's bad. But since I'm going to a career school next year, I just wanted to see everyone. Seen some of my classmates, and  I realized that when people talk to me, I try to find ways to escape the conversation when I don't know what to say. That makes people think I don't want to talk to them, and I get that cause if I was talking to someone and I could tell that the conversation isn't being reciprocated, I would leave too. That's why I have to start understanding social cues. 

    But all this to say, I think it's all in my head. Need to stop overthinking everything. I'm just going to learn to speak more and add myself into conversations. Just got to lock in and get out of my head. No one is really worried about me either cause everyone is thinking about themselves. Need to be myself that will help me to be my best self.

Hopes and Dreams 💭

    I just want so much more for myself. I want to be comfortably wealthy. Tired of constantly not being able to purchase certain items. I just don't want to worry about money for the rest of my life.💰

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it." - Rick Warren.

    My parents are both immigrants from Ghana 🇬🇭. Ghana, like everywhere else, has extremely wealthy people and extremely poor people. My parents worked hard to get to America only to live a life that is essentially the same as the one they lived back home. My parents aren't perfect, and they have done a lot, thinking they were doing the right thing. But in a way, they do live up to this quote and didn't let themselves be prisoners to their past. I respect them for that and am grateful for them. 

    Someone told me, "Be patient with your parents because it's their first time living too." I know their parents didn't treat them well, and they just treat me how they think they should. It's just not going to stay that way with me if I end up having kids. I'm going to show them so much love and teach them everything in the world. My parents can hurt my feelings at times, but I don't think they are always coming from a bad place. I know they wanted more than the life we live, and I would gladly give them everything because I have so much love for them. It took me a few years to get to this point because it would've been a totally different story if I was typing this when I was younger. But I'm actually so grateful, and it makes me want to work harder. I just want the world to fulfill my parents' dream. While also being comfortable too, of course.

    When I was younger, one of my biggest dreams was to be an architect. Architects design beautiful architectural structures, but they don't make much money. At the moment, It's looking like I'm going into the medical field, starting as a Medical Assistant, then moving to a medical specialty. I'm okay with that because I plan to have a midlife crisis. By that time, I'll have enough money to sustain the way of living I want and be an architect. If I do end up doing that, it will come with its own challenges going into a different workforce at that age. Probably won't end up doing that, but it'll always be at the back of my mind. 

    I also have many other dreams, and everyone should. I made backup plans just in case the main ones don't work because I have to achieve all my goals in life. I'll have a big house and a big garden. I'll also have a small barn for all my little animals 𓃥𓃠𓆉𓆏𓃯𓃱𓃰. Or a compound with my siblings but far enough away from them so I'm not annoyed. Maybe by that time I'll be with the love of my life, traveling all over the world. Would be a few years until I settle down and start living in a house, though. I'll also have a job that makes me lots of money but still gives me free time for my family if I plan to have one. I know everything I dream of will come true if I try my best. 

    Once I get to the midpoint of my life, I really want to start actually helping others. I'll make something that can actually help people struggling. Haven't come up with a plan for it yet, but by that time I'll know.

    I tend to daydream while things are going on; I dream of everything other than the topic being discussed. Dream a lot but also try to live in the moment because what if one day your dream that you have had for years has come true, but you won't know because you're focusing on the next dream. I had a random daydream where it was raining money, but the money started combining into big tumbleweeds or like bowling balls and rolling over people. It was quite odd. But maybe it's my brain trying to tell me not to be so money-hungry.

 

    But not only do I want those things, but when I travel the world, I want to see all the unseen sights. I'm going to see everything up close, not through my phone screen. Also, I want to have a house on every continent. The houses have to be in the place that I love most on that continent. 

    I would also really like to buy houses and fix them up. Whenever I see people doing that on social media, it looks so fun. They also make such a great profit from it. But I've always wanted to design and build my own house, hence wanting to be an architect. We'll just have to see, I guess.

    Lastly, another one of my many dreams is Great health. I dream of having good health for the majority of my years alive can't say great health forever cause death is always coming for us. Don't mean to be morbid, but I don't want to be in pain till the time I die or get some disease that affects my way of life. Those are some of my dreams. I feel like they are pretty basic.

Hopes and Dreams are a part of what makes us human. What are yours?

𝄞⨾♬⋆.˚

Music at the moment

The Art of Music 🎧

Just came back from Las Vegas for summer vacation. Beats & AirPods with me the whole time.

    Music has got to be one of the greatest forms of expression. I think I am very dependent on it. Kind of weird to think of it as an object, but in a way, I think it is. I don't know what I would do without it. Lots of people find comfort by listening to music. I find it cool how music can change someone's emotions so quickly. For when I feel any emotions strongly. Love, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Happiness, etc. I listen to music that fits, or if I don't want to feel that emotion, I try to listen to the opposite vibe. I love how sometimes it feels like the sound is traveling through your brain.

    I love how it is always changing; the artist I love or call my favorite this year can be different next year. That's different for everyone because we are all our own people, and that's very comforting to think about.

    Music wasn’t "invented" by a single person; rather, it evolved naturally over tens of thousands of years. That means, like, it took centuries to figure it out. The concept of music has always fascinated me. You can't say music was ever founded because music is just sounds and noises. We have sounds and noises all over; that's very cool to think about. 

Mozart & Future

Some people have the talent of making music that connects with people. Think of  Future and Mozart. They made or make such great music that connects with people. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but it's cool to think about all the renowned musicians that people speak of and all the musicians that are before our time. I like how there is always a song for everyone, and if you don't like the music, you can change it to a different genre. I love that you can never feel left out with music. Even deaf people can feel the beats and sounds of a song. Sounds can understand you. (Weird way to put it, but you get what I'm saying) 

Music is a universal language. The way music connects people: in Las Vegas, for example, many people were singing on the street. Not only in English, but also in different languages, were being played. People stood to listen. I know that this is nothing new. Let me know if you have anything more to add to my thoughts.

Color Palette