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Junior Year Vision

School Year Creeping In

    

    The next school year is right around the corner. I have a little bit of excitement, but not much. Ever since I started high school, I have not been excited for the school year. I know it is going to be fun because school is what you make out of it, and I always just try to enjoy it, but I'm still not excited for actual school. I had a fantastic summer felt very naive to think it wouldn't end. Also when to volleyball conditioning but did not end up playing volleyball because I’m just not that good at it. But I don’t really care cause I’m not planning on going D1. I do need two seasons of a sport to get the high school requirement. So I might try track in the spring; hopefully I have a car by then.

     I'm going to be a junior, but the main thing I am actually excited for is getting my nails done. It’s kind of random, but this year I’ll have a job, and last year around this time I didn’t. At my career school, we can’t have our nails done. But they kind of make an exception if your nails are really short. Let me know if you want to see my nails throughout the school year.

    The program I’m going into is Medical Assisting. I’ve wanted to be a medical assistant for a while now because I know I can’t be a CNA; I would hate it. But I’m very excited about this because it starts the beginning of me being extremely wealthy in the future.

    My Goal: Medical assistant at a med spa or just a primary care center. When I’m 18 in going to get into stocks in some way. Day Trading or something of the sort. If not that, then something that gives me lots of income that I can still do while in school. I’m in a Dual-enrollment program, so when I get into college I’ll already have two years completed. So I want to take a gap year to travel either before I start college or before I start med school if I get in. I plan to go to medical school, and my top choices are something in Dermatology, Radiology, or Cardiovascular. I know school is going to take a long time, but I’d rather be a doctor in that time than nothing. I want to be one of those people who make being a doctor a side job, like you would never know that I’m a doctor unless I bring it up.

 But we’ll never know; maybe I’ll change my mind by then because I’ve always wanted to be an architect.

    But aside from going to a career school, I’m also very excited to be going to junior year. I hope it is like how junior year is in the movies. When I did my post about improving my social skills, it made me realize it is definitely all in my head. But I’m actually a very social person; I’m just awkward when I start to think, or like how on TikTok it’s like gaining consciousness in person. So I just have to stop getting all in my head and just be myself. I can’t wait to meet new people and make friends.

    I also want to put in effort every day so I feel pretty, and I won't be worrying about anyone else; I'll just feel like a baddie every day. It's not that hard to not go to school looking like a bum; I'm just lazy. I won't be this year, or at least I plan not to. I'll just focus on myself this school year and make friends.

What are you excited for this upcoming school year? Or what are your plans for yourself?

Idea of Romance💕

I don't know how I feel about the idea of love or romance.

The definition of love is: A profound spectrum of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves deep affection, protectiveness, and an active desire to cherish and support someone else’s well-being. 

    I think of love as an obsession you can't escape. You want to spend every waking moment with them, or you feel the need to when you can't, and all you want to do is be with them. If you love someone, they are constantly in your head, not leaving you alone. Sounds like a lot..... But it's ok because both parties are feeling the same. You're able to talk to them about anything, and they lend an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. You and that person really get each other. When I'm in love, I want it to be with someone I love as a person too. They have to be great all around. But I just can't see myself being like that with anyone. 

I don't think I want someone to have such a big emotion over me. It would feel like they have some type of control over me; I would absolutely hate that. But I do want to be in love at least once. So I have to figure that out. But maybe I only feel like that at this moment; when the time comes, maybe I'll change my mind who knows.

    I’ve never been in love with another person before. Can’t really imagine myself in a relationship either. Obviously I love my family, but I mean romantically. Been a while since the last time I had a crush, let alone loved someone. I've found people cute here and there. Almost had a boyfriend in 7th grade and was "married" in kindergarten, but those don't really count. When someone is cute, I do think they are cute, but I don't need that (If you get what I'm saying). I do joke with my friends that I have one, but deep down I know I don't. Sometimes I'll be talking to a boy who likes me, and I start thinking about the pros and cons of being with him, and the cons always outweigh the pros. That's how I know if I like the person, I won't even care about things like that. 

    If I really like them as a person. Just haven't met my person yet. Don't think I want to, though. I just find them so irritating; maybe I'm sexist. I do have a little brother, so does that make my case any better? Anyways, I would definitely rather be single than marry a man I have to settle for; that means the love of my life will have to be perfect. I'm going to be a junior, so maybe I'll get to know someone romantically, but then I think to myself, will I meet the love of my life in high school? I don't think so. It could also be one of those situations where I meet them in high school, but we meet later on. But I think I'll be in love before I meet the love of my life, though. But that's just my thought process.

The Love Of My Life: I don't have a vision of what he looks like yet, but I do know that he will be nice and considerate. He'll listen to me because I do talk a lot, and he'll have great things to say back that I would've never thought of. He will have a decent job so he can buy me nice things. Also, probably will be smarter than me by a little bit because I really do dislike when people are dumb in serious moments, but maybe I can be the dumb one. But he won’t make me feel like an idiot if I don’t know certain things. Also, when he first sees me, he's going to try and talk to me like love at first sight, but from him. That's kind of selfish, though, but I'll like him soon after that; I just want to feel wanted by someone who actually likes certain things about me. I do also want to be friends a little before I start liking him too. He'll be very kind to me, make me feel like the only girl in the world, or else I don't want him. But I'll also love him lots, so it will be fine. He'll also get me nice things that have meaning to them. Everyone likes to be tricked on. I don't know what, but something. I also feel so special when someone gets me a gift since I rarely do get them. But it'll be magical like in the movies, and It's going to feel like a fairy tale. Hopefully, but I have little hope.

    If we push the love of my life stuff to the side thought I would like to get to know someone and be so interested in them. Learning things about people brings me quite a bit of joy. I find the little things they say so interesting. Learning about the person and having someone to spend time with also does sound fun. But I just don’t know how to feel about it. Some people spend every free moment they have with their partner. I couldn't do that, though; I love being by myself too much. About that, That's why I'm also scared to get married because you live with the person, sleep in the same bed as the person, and have to talk to that person. That is a lot of alone time being around another person. Maybe when I get there I'll get it, but right now I don't want to think I would want that.

All this just to say I do love being by myself most of the time, and I love how every person has a different or similar idea of love. But this is just how I'm feeling at the moment. Any life-changing stories about love? I really want to have a different view on it.

Improving My Social Skills

     I really don't know what to do or how to act when I'm in an unfamiliar place. I'm either mute or obnoxious, and I never know what to say. I'm very awkward. Sometimes I try to cover up my awkwardness by being louder so people can't tell. I plan to learn about and get to know everyone and make friends this upcoming school year (2026-2027). So I needed to fix this yesterday, but I don't know why I struggle with talking to people; it's easy for everyone else. 

    When I leave a conversation with someone, I think over and over that I said that was too much of my personality showing. I really don't think anyone cares that much because everyone is probably thinking the same thing about themselves.

    When I find someone interesting, I become a little bit obsessed with them, and I try to learn more about them. That could come off as weird, or it may just be my perception. Sometimes it feels like all I am is thinking about all the odd things I do. It's not really about embarrassment; I love doing "embarrassing things." It doesn't really affect me much when I do so. I'm not really one of those people who find everything embarrassing, but I do jokingly say that's so embarrassing. Would love to have a friend of my own that I can be myself around. Jealous of the people that say that they have childhood best friends. Love being myself but hate being lonely when everyone has someone. I crave a deep friendship so bad.

    To the topic about friendships, I do have friends, and I know things about them. But I just feel like everyone else is closer with each other than I am. I also struggle with being myself, and that's probably why. People are so much closer because they can freely be themselves with each other. I just need to get myself to that point too. But I also think my peers are closer with each other because they are able to hang out and grow friendships outside of school. I'm just not able to. I need to stop spending my money and start saving for a car so I can hang out with my friends and do other things.

    I know a car will fix most of my worries right now. I would be able to drive to school, work, or anywhere I want. But I've been driving to work recently with my dad's car, and I have also been going to the store. I just want to go places and hang out with my friends freely. I realized I am missing out a lot.

    I went to my friend's sweet 16, my parents thought I was at work, but I drove there. I know it's bad. But since I'm going to a career school next year, I just wanted to see everyone. Seen some of my classmates, and  I realized that when people talk to me, I try to find ways to escape the conversation when I don't know what to say. That makes people think I don't want to talk to them, and I get that cause if I was talking to someone and I could tell that the conversation isn't being reciprocated, I would leave too. That's why I have to start understanding social cues. 

    But all this to say, I think it's all in my head. Need to stop overthinking everything. I'm just going to learn to speak more and add myself into conversations. Just got to lock in and get out of my head. No one is really worried about me either cause everyone is thinking about themselves. Need to be myself that will help me to be my best self.

Hopes and Dreams 💭

    I just want so much more for myself. I want to be comfortably wealthy. Tired of constantly not being able to purchase certain items. I just don't want to worry about money for the rest of my life.💰

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it." - Rick Warren.

    My parents are both immigrants from Ghana 🇬🇭. Ghana, like everywhere else, has extremely wealthy people and extremely poor people. My parents worked hard to get to America only to live a life that is essentially the same as the one they lived back home. My parents aren't perfect, and they have done a lot, thinking they were doing the right thing. But in a way, they do live up to this quote and didn't let themselves be prisoners to their past. I respect them for that and am grateful for them. 

    Someone told me, "Be patient with your parents because it's their first time living too." I know their parents didn't treat them well, and they just treat me how they think they should. It's just not going to stay that way with me if I end up having kids. I'm going to show them so much love and teach them everything in the world. My parents can hurt my feelings at times, but I don't think they are always coming from a bad place. I know they wanted more than the life we live, and I would gladly give them everything because I have so much love for them. It took me a few years to get to this point because it would've been a totally different story if I was typing this when I was younger. But I'm actually so grateful, and it makes me want to work harder. I just want the world to fulfill my parents' dream. While also being comfortable too, of course.

    When I was younger, one of my biggest dreams was to be an architect. Architects design beautiful architectural structures, but they don't make much money. At the moment, It's looking like I'm going into the medical field, starting as a Medical Assistant, then moving to a medical specialty. I'm okay with that because I plan to have a midlife crisis. By that time, I'll have enough money to sustain the way of living I want and be an architect. If I do end up doing that, it will come with its own challenges going into a different workforce at that age. Probably won't end up doing that, but it'll always be at the back of my mind. 

    I also have many other dreams, and everyone should. I made backup plans just in case the main ones don't work because I have to achieve all my goals in life. I'll have a big house and a big garden. I'll also have a small barn for all my little animals 𓃥𓃠𓆉𓆏𓃯𓃱𓃰. Or a compound with my siblings but far enough away from them so I'm not annoyed. Maybe by that time I'll be with the love of my life, traveling all over the world. Would be a few years until I settle down and start living in a house, though. I'll also have a job that makes me lots of money but still gives me free time for my family if I plan to have one. I know everything I dream of will come true if I try my best. 

    Once I get to the midpoint of my life, I really want to start actually helping others. I'll make something that can actually help people struggling. Haven't come up with a plan for it yet, but by that time I'll know.

    I tend to daydream while things are going on; I dream of everything other than the topic being discussed. Dream a lot but also try to live in the moment because what if one day your dream that you have had for years has come true, but you won't know because you're focusing on the next dream. I had a random daydream where it was raining money, but the money started combining into big tumbleweeds or like bowling balls and rolling over people. It was quite odd. But maybe it's my brain trying to tell me not to be so money-hungry.

 

    But not only do I want those things, but when I travel the world, I want to see all the unseen sights. I'm going to see everything up close, not through my phone screen. Also, I want to have a house on every continent. The houses have to be in the place that I love most on that continent. 

    I would also really like to buy houses and fix them up. Whenever I see people doing that on social media, it looks so fun. They also make such a great profit from it. But I've always wanted to design and build my own house, hence wanting to be an architect. We'll just have to see, I guess.

    Lastly, another one of my many dreams is Great health. I dream of having good health for the majority of my years alive can't say great health forever cause death is always coming for us. Don't mean to be morbid, but I don't want to be in pain till the time I die or get some disease that affects my way of life. Those are some of my dreams. I feel like they are pretty basic.

Hopes and Dreams are a part of what makes us human. What are yours?

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Music at the moment

The Art of Music 🎧

Just came back from Las Vegas for summer vacation. Beats & AirPods with me the whole time.

    Music has got to be one of the greatest forms of expression. I think I am very dependent on it. Kind of weird to think of it as an object, but in a way, I think it is. I don't know what I would do without it. Lots of people find comfort by listening to music. I find it cool how music can change someone's emotions so quickly. For when I feel any emotions strongly. Love, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Happiness, etc. I listen to music that fits, or if I don't want to feel that emotion, I try to listen to the opposite vibe. I love how sometimes it feels like the sound is traveling through your brain.

    I love how it is always changing; the artist I love or call my favorite this year can be different next year. That's different for everyone because we are all our own people, and that's very comforting to think about.

    Music wasn’t "invented" by a single person; rather, it evolved naturally over tens of thousands of years. That means, like, it took centuries to figure it out. The concept of music has always fascinated me. You can't say music was ever founded because music is just sounds and noises. We have sounds and noises all over; that's very cool to think about. 

Mozart & Future

Some people have the talent of making music that connects with people. Think of  Future and Mozart. They made or make such great music that connects with people. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but it's cool to think about all the renowned musicians that people speak of and all the musicians that are before our time. I like how there is always a song for everyone, and if you don't like the music, you can change it to a different genre. I love that you can never feel left out with music. Even deaf people can feel the beats and sounds of a song. Sounds can understand you. (Weird way to put it, but you get what I'm saying) 

Music is a universal language. The way music connects people: in Las Vegas, for example, many people were singing on the street. Not only in English, but also in different languages, were being played. People stood to listen. I know that this is nothing new. Let me know if you have anything more to add to my thoughts.